Dear Dad,
I missed you so much. Between the lines of “I hate you for abandoning
me” and “You jerk, leaving your family like this” yes, I do miss you so much.
Just want to say Happy Father’s Day in a common ways, where son meet up with
their father after so many years apart. Exchanging stories about how regular
life has become, sport teams that does sucks last year or just hanging with
their son and daughters between TV episodes on the couch while their mother
prepare some beers and homemade cookies.
Has this life become a dream so vast I couldn’t have it in my small
hands? Or is it me left behind from the train that supposed to take me..well…I
dunno, somewhere real? I never knew my parents, how they look like, what their
jobs are, what is their favorite food and fragrance, or even know their names.
I’m one of those apples that accidentally fall down the hill far from its tree.
Not making this dramatic, but I just couldn’t lie to myself how I
missed my parents love and touch. Imagining them by my side every Christmas is
shit, I’m telling you. Were those real? I don’t know anymore what is real.
What’s real for me is I gotta work my ass off to support mysel
f day to day in
this city. I have my own dreams to fulfill, I have my own train to catch and
for sure that ain’t easy but I know I can do it.
Its Father’s Day as I take a peek on my desk calendar. I smiled a
little, feeling empty and awkward for celebrating something without anyone to
celebrate for. Imagining whether my dad is a rich folk with two separate tennis
court and a gold fish pond but filled with imitation fish made of gold. Or is
he a professor from a reputable University in London carrying whip lash on his
waist. Or maybe he’s a regular father with one of those Toyota car from early
2000 with a cat and two wives, one of them is pregnant of their 8th
daughter. Things could happen after 24 years and I never hope for anything, coz
most of the time hope brings you down.
My point is, I just want to see my dad, slap him hard and then hug him
like there’s no tomorrow. Tell him all my stories, share him my problems and
seek for advice. But all I can do is dreaming and until that day comes, I gotta
wake up and pay attention if I wanna go somewhere and be somebody. I wanna make
him proud when he sees his son has become someone, probably better than him.
Well dad, Happy Father’s Day!
I just want to say a big warm THANK YOU to you, Z.
Thank you for using me all these
times. Remind me how foolish I am for sacrificing all of me to someone that doesn’t
pay respect at all.
Thank you for being there when I can
support both of us and live a happy life, but vanished and gone when in my
times of need and defenseless.
Thank you for hitting me physically
during times we lived together. The pain is gone but the memory how coward you
are always there in the hands of time.
Thank you for all the yelling and
offensive words you used at me from your mobile phone. I hope you didn’t use
the same mouth as you are using to talk to your mother.
Thank you for running away with
responsibilities you supposed to repay and face it like a man. Even boy in a
dress still have their dignity, but not you.
Thank you for all the drama you
well played and all the lies you serve with sweet-nice topping.
Thank you for rejecting the love I
was offering for you and no one else. A blind man never can see the shine in the
sands full of diamonds.
Thank you for opening old wounds
and making a lot of new ones.
I don’t need to forget you, but
to erase you completely.
I forgive you, but karma does
exist.
The wind in high places swept my
face with its fingers like hypnotizing, slowly peeling my sadness away. I think
of nothing yet my heart cries for the quietness, the wind again carries me away
to the world beyond the night sky, just like tonight.
Leaving me question I cannot even
answer though the puzzle still remain of so many years’ education and pointless
study. No institution ever taught me how to love, no teacher ever teaches me
how to erase the pain away and not even one book of scholars ever mention that
love will always come back no matter how painful it was.
Time ha
s point it fingers on me,
how many seconds I have wasted my youth for things that melted in the day and
frozen in the dawn. My dreams chasing me like a wild beast; its claws ready to
slit my mouth to speak against my own future, my tormented feet running from
its preying eyes. No one could help me but my shadows that are now restless
rescuing me every time I’m in need.
I stood here again with my heart
on my hands saying “protect me, or they will carry me away to the land of false
hopes.” The cold ground had nailed me from going nowhere as I must pay my dues
to what I had done. And what’s killing me is the silence from the inside where
so many talking so loud outside. Oh dear Lord, spare me my fragile soul for me
to keep from the hands of the eternal damnation.
Romance in the cold breeze
singing me the songs of one true journey to eternity. To see is to feel what’s real;
to be is to believe what the future offers us to see. But never take more than
what you give or the one will put lies in your soul just like an unknown thief.
Love is the rhythm for you to walk upon the cloud of freedom, so strong you
never want again to give them. The ray of sunshine felt like an arrow to my
vision as I never walk in light, only guided by one true ally to be my sight.
Now I learn the lesson of being
delicate to reach one true individual, strong enough to fight the storm of the
world full of lies, ignorance, unfairness, deception and most of all betrayal.
I must live long enough to see my work had been done in a world of beauty in my
own reflectance. Sing loud enough for the universe to hear me calling, that I’m
here and always will be.
Bring back the black sun that
once shining upon my darkest path. It’s not as beautiful as other might thought
but it’s enough for me. Serenity, a comfort zone for my witty soul seeks for
grace. Being somebody else is not my ticket out of here, many perils stands in
my way towards my New Jerusalem. Day by day I have entered myself a battle
between ego, love and persuasion of believing the impossible.
Faces past me by, love enter and
goes leaving trails of fragileness inside me and slowly it’s bewildering my temptation
of what I truly want. Scars I’ve received for my sins and betrayal to the devil
itself, no, I never regret. He whispered so peacefully I thought my heart has
leading me to the valley of shadows. The light begun to dim, the stars comes
out with all its glory and magnitude of dreams so big I feel nobody is me.
Tired from the pain I’ve journey
through in this city of light, the gate of twin perception and bricks of paradox
living inside every creatures; big and small. What do I feel now? Who am I belonging
to now? All the questions are a riddle for my fingers to see, my heart hears
what my eyes feels. What I give is exactly what I get and never mean to get you
upset but this all has been said.
Crippling through my doors until I
found the essence of the one I desires but never really needs it. Drop down to
my knees and pray to one holy power and will I find that grace again? I believe
I will get out from this devastation of my creation, true and bring back my
blue. I will swim in your heart again, untangles my clarity to be unite again
in the sea of divinity. Where I will sleep forever and awaken in your loving
river of everlasting hopes of a true sinner.
f day to day in
Recent Comments