My life is more than I could ever
ask for. Filled with dreams, hope and strong believe of a better tomorrow. But
there are times I’m a prisoner of my own feelings and captivated by one single
moment I cannot escape from. I’m just one man with nothing I never showed you
or the world. A man with all his feelings in his hands, eyes looking for
something much more and love up way above. The storm has hit this man and he’s
going down.
I miss my mom and dad. Never known
them for the whole life I’m living is a torturin
g mystery to somebody as brittle
as me. Not trying to make it sound dramatic, but I miss the things I even never
felt before. To have a dinner together, somebody to take my school report,
someone to support me from the front row of my tennis competition, putting up Christmas
ornaments even though it looks like a mess or at least having a family picture
together.
I’m not talking about chasing the
past like a mad man or looking back and weep. Sometimes where I came from is
not important for me; I’d rather straighten my vision and focus of what in front
of me. The past giving me nothing but a ground to stand on, so why can’t we
make that ground ourselves now? A good friend of mine, Danny he said “life is
about options and what we choose.” So starts choose what’s right for you NOW,
believe in it and make that life living for you.
I was kept alive among people who
never taught me about life and how should I walk on it. No love education is
given to that young cub long back then. No wise words or advice on how to deal
with emotions as I grew older; just essentially kept alive and develop into a
soulless mind. It’s kinda sad really when I think about it on how unsupportive
this “family” is.
They won’t let me nurture my
talent within, I love art and none of them are on my back when I was entering
art festival or sport championships. She wouldn’t let me having friends and
always kept blocking my social life in an awkward manner with meaningless
excuse. She judges me without knowing who is the person of what she’s accusing with,
an actual example of judging-a-book-by-its-cover-person. She never know which
school I’m entering, who’s my teacher, what major I’m taking in college
especially the problem I’m facing and fighting by myself.
But I never kept any grudge; my
heart cannot take another heart ache. God has given me with such a flexible
heart but for this one, I’m nothing more but an ordinary human being. I’m numb plus
I’m tired, so I choose to erase and rewind. Its hurt so bad and you didn’t even
realize you are the caused all I want is to go to the time where there was no
pain: juste avant toi. I’m much more mature and wise to brave enough to admit
that deep inside I’m just a kid missing his parents love, a family that never
come true on every Christmas wishing. I’m grieving for a very long time.
I guess it’s too late now to grab
what we lost in the past and all I want now is making a new start with me. As God
is my witness, this person in the mirror will become someone in the future with
no regrets of his past. He will walk that road of New York in his flashy suits
and glamorous boots made only by-request-ordering from maestro designers of the
world. What I do know now, I could never forget who I am and the people who keep
completing my puzzle along the way. The sweet, the bitter, the joy and the
pain; it’s a part of me.
Sometimes
people who are closest to you are the ones who hurt you the most.
so i’m the first one who gives you the comment… yaaay!! yeah right its melowish and powerfull. Family is some people which comfort us the most and the people we always missed when we’re far away. don’t grief too long, let’s cheer up Better =)
uh,,uh,,yeah..how sad, anyway that heLpz..
hhmmmm…i can somehow relate to your blog wherein in one point of my life i’ve been prisoner of my own feelings but then again i learn to let go and forgive and love what is in front of me..and that is ,the present…i chose which i knew the right path for me and so here i am enjoying my life to the fullest…its no used dwelling on the past my God you’ll die young i can assure you to that…someday people who took you for granted will realize how lucky they are to have someone like you in their life…you’ll see.Goodluck to your career hoping you all the best in the world.:-)
Yeah, just your fellow blogger here. I believe in you, and in what you said. Put yourself to the max! Don’t limmit yourself by what they say, though often times, it’s us who limit ourselves.
if i like ur previous blog…i like this much better. i can empatize with you being an orphan who also learned the lessons in life by myself. continue blogging….looking forward to more of my thoughts in your blog.
Just sail on through! There are sad truths in life that we can’t do to rectify but to merely accept every bit of it. It hurts indeed, yet it’s best to face it so at the end of the day we remain complete and be who we are inside..
so sad of your life’s story…but never been late to reconstruct the things that you messed out and make a wonderful story of your own life…leave your history behind, they are all building blocks now for a stronger you, a better human being who’s been challenged by the hassles of life…it’s a good outlet also that you pour out your craving in this blog, however, you need not to let the world know about your life…have a closure of your confidential life as well..i adore you, though…Godbless!
i felt the loneliness and struggle within you when i read this…just a quote, “the finest sword in the world went through the fiercest fire”…
Sometimes it doesn’t matter to you where you came from..but you never wrote the other time around..how about searching them..literally.That could help you more to solve the remaining puzzle that is not yet done. It will just keep haunting you no matter how many times you tried not. Yeah, find them. Find a way to see them,how they’re doing..then it’s up to you..no, it’s up to them to realize how unlucky they are to missed you growing up a man like you are now. Then you,at the very moment you will see them, you will be surprised of the emotions that may come out rapidly. You have two choices,STAY or LEAVE. Whatever you gonna choose..it has only one result. Puzzle is complete. That’s the only time you can say that past is past….
just invite me ok!! lavane_01@yahoo.com
Very true, but never give up, God will give you someone to fill up those emptiness, just wait, it just a matter of patience, and understanding, you never know, maybe there’s a hidden reason for that, also you cannot please everybody…
huhu…Sorry, I prefer to talk in Malay=)…Nampaknya awak macam terlalu murung dengan kehidupan awak..KAdang-kadang, kita perlu mengenali lebih ramai orang…supaya, lebih banyak lagi benda yang indah-indah yang kat dunia ni kita akan ketahui…Hargai apa yang ada disekeliling kita selagi boleh..Sorry..I just spoke out my comment..Pape pun..Nice to noe you..Enjoy ur life bb…Do ur best!!!GAMBATE!!!
im so sorry abt that,i felt crying..i knw the feelings. but never give up.if u ned someone to talk to dnt hesitate to confront me ok.
ENJOY LIFE!!GOD IS ALWAYS WITH U…and wre hre for u…
i like ur post… i also miss my mom and my dad since im now in a different place.
hellow…hom r u?i lyk ur body…hehehe
dyesibel
reading your blog really relates to what im feeling right now…
sometimes the people around you never appreciates you for who you really are…
despite the achievements you’ve had…
inspite of it all, don’t lose hope!!!
someone…
somebody will be there for you…
it may not be today…
but surely somebody will come tomorrow…
to light up your drowning today…
gb…
oww men,,how sad,,
but yah,,dont let yourself locked up in the cell of the past,,every tomorrow is a new day,,go on and try not be hindered by the memoirs of the past,,,
hope to be your friend,,
i don”t no
hello,here i am again..i admire u for being strong..have faith..dnt worry,somebody will surely come ur way to help u ease all the loneliness..i dont know who u are bt im with you..taken from a song..from a good friend of mine..hehe..forget the loneliness and live ur life to the fullest..i think u deserve it..good luck..chin Up!!!
i like your blog.i have a tearry eye while reading this coz it also relate in my life.meaning we’re the same..
love the color combinations
i like this,
dude, be thankfull for wat you have and… for wat you don’t have… having a family sometimes can be a pain in the ass you know…
“God keeps His promise, and He will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, He will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out…”
–I Corinthians 10:13–
Jesus loves you!!
i omoz cry wen i read diz blog…. Gosh!! -_-
NICE WRITE-UPS.. I MEAN ALL OF IT… WISH I COULD WRITE NARRATIVES MORE BEETER THAN POEMS OF DEPRESSION…LOL..
nnnaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..very nice..i can relate well,,,i have the same story but more than that,my past always wake me up evry nigth and forgetting is just a state of mind..how can we forgat our regrets,,yes we can move on but forgetting it is another story…the saying past is past is not trye…i live with that…but im moving on.together with my past and regrets….they are my guide…to become stronger….