Bra1n-w@shed

(Disclaimer:  The section of this blog you are about to read contains content that may include  explicit offensive language or sexual innuendo. You don’t like it? Get the hell off. *see, i told u*)

I was talking with my dudes today. How lucky we are being the male of the species.
I mean without no disrespect for you all beautiful girls and ladies out there, we, men the most egoistic creatures that was created first out of the powerful hands of the Lord, are truly blessed.

Look at us, with only one responsibility towards our dignity in the eyes of the society we  are not burden by any other stuff that girls has: stress and pain on period days EVERY MONTH, pain in giving birth, emotionally fragile, pointless wasted time in shopping for a single item worth of hours and hours circling the shopping mall.

Even this, we could name our penis with so many different names:
•    blue-veined junket pumper 

•    boner
•    cock
•    dick
•    ding dong
•    dipstick
•    dong
•    dork
•    doughnut holder
•    firm worm
•    free willy
•    goober
•    hairy bagpipes
•    hang down
•    hard on
•    John Thomas
•    joy stick
•    knob
•    love muscle
•    love stick
•    love truncheon
•    male organ
•    meat
•    meat whistle
•    member
•    organic dildo
•    ol’ one-eye
•    one-eyed trouser snake
•    pecker
•    pee-pee
•    pee stick
•    percy
•    peter
•    piece of pork
•    pink oboe
•    pole
•    pork sword
•    prick
•    purple-headed trouser snake
•    pussy plunger
•    rod
•    root
•    salty dog
•    schlong
•    skin flute
•    spunk stick
•    stiffy
•    throbber
•    throbbing python of love
•    tool
•    trouser trout
•    wanker
•    wee-wee
•    weiner
•    weinie
•    wife’s best friend
•    willy
•    woody

And speaking about penis, when we masturbate we could name that fun time whatever we want:
    * a quiet date
   * audition the finger puppets
   * bang the wang
    * bash the candle
   * be a virtuoso of the skin flute
    * beat off
    * beat the bishop
    * beat the dummy
    * beat the meat
    * beat the stick
    * beat up your date
    * beef-stroke-it-off
    * bending ya bonder
    * bleed the weed
    * blow your load
    * bludgeon the beefsteak
    * bop the baloney
   * box the jesuit and get cockroaches
    * boxin’ the bald champ
    * buff the banana
    * buff the torpedo
    * burp the baby
    * burp the worm
    * busting a nut
    * butter the corn
    * choke Kojak
    * choke the chicken
    * choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
    * clamp the pipe
    * clean your rifle
    * climb Mount Baldy
    * closet Frisbee
    * come into your own
    * consulting Dr Hans Jerkov
    * cook the cream of cock
    * corral the tadpoles
    * couch hockey for one
    * crack one off
  * crank the shank
   * crimp the wire
    * crown the king
   * cuff the carrot
   * dancing solo
   * diddle
    * do a hand job
    * do battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
    * do handiwork
    * do the janitor thing
    * drain the monster
   * engage in safe sex
    * fist fuck
    * fist your mister
    * five knuckle shuffle
    * flog the dog
    * flog the dong
   * flog the hog
    * flog the log
    * flog your mule
    * fondle the fig
    * Free Willy
    * friggit
   * gallup the antelope
   * genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion
    * get a date with Slick Mittens
 * get a grip on yourself
    * get the German soldier marching
    * get to know yourself
    * give it a tug
    * go a couple of rounds with ol’ josh
    * go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
    * grease the pipe
   * hack the hog
    * hack off
    * hand work-out
   * have a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
    * have a date with Fisty Palmer
   * have a date with palm of your handerson (Pamela Anderson)
    * have a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
    * have it off
   * have sex with someone you love
   * hitchhike to heaven
    * hitchhike under the big top
    * hold the sausage hostage
    * hug the hog
    * hump your hose
    * jack hammer
   * jack off
    * jazz yourself
    * jerk off
    * jerkin’ the Gherkin
    * jerking the joint
    * juggling the coullions
    * killing kittens (as in "everytime you wank, God kills a kitten")
    * meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
    * knuckle shuffle on the ol’ piss pump
    * lope the mule
    * make instant pudding
    * make the bald man puke
    * making love to the shower
    * mangle the midget
    * manipulate the mango
    * manual override
    * master bacon
    * meet Rosie Hancock
    * milk the cow
    * milk the lizard
    * mount a corporal and four
    * nerk your throbber
    * null the void
    * oil the glove
    * onan’s olympics
    * pack your palm
    * paddle the pickle
    * paint the ceiling
    * paint the pickle
    * peel the banana
    * peel some chilies
    * perform diagnostics on your ManTool
    * phallic farming
    * play a little five-on-one
    * play in a one-man show
    * play five against one
    * play pocket pinball
    * play pocket pool
    * play tug-of-war with the cyclops
    * play Uno
    * please your pisser
    * plunk your twanger
    * polish Percy in your palm
    * polish the family jewels
    * polish the rocket
    * polish the sword
    * pound off
    * pound the bald-headed moose
    * pound the pud
    * pound your flounder
    * pull off
    * pull rank
    * pull the carrot
    * pull the cord
    * pull the five-knuckle shuffle
    * pull the goalie
    * pull the pole
    * pull the pope
    * pull the tool
    * pull your pud
    * pull your prick
    * pull your taffy
    * pump the python
    * punchin’ the munchkin
    * ram the ham
    * ride the great white knuckler
    * roll your own
    * rope the pony
   * rope the pope
    * rub off
    * rub one out
    * run off a batch by hand
    * sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
    * scour the tower of power
    * self abuse
    * self-induced penile regurgitation
    * shag
    * shake hands with the unemployed
    * shake hands with your John Thomas
    * shake hands with your wife’s best friend
   * shemp the hog
    * shift gears
   * shine the helmet
    * shine your pole
   * shoot putty at the moon
    * shoot skeet (pull…shoot)
    * shoot the moon
    * slakin’ the bacon
    * slam the ham
    * slam the spam
    * slammin’ the salmon
    * slap high fives with Yul Brynner
   * slap the carrot
    * slap the clown
    * slap the donkey
    * slap the pud
    * slap the salami
   * slappin’ pappy
    * sling the jelly
    * snap the monkey
    * snap the rubber
    * snap the snake
    * snap the whip
    * solo sex
    * spank the frank
    * spank the monkey
    * spank the salami
    * spilling the seed
    * squeeze the cheese
    * squeeze the juice
    * squeeze the squirrel
   * stickin’ it slick
    * stinky pinky
    * stir the yogurt
    * stoke it
    * strangle the Pope
    * stroke it
    * stroke off
    * stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
    * stroke the dog
    * stroke the satin-headed serpent
    * stroke your poker
    * stroking Willie the one-eyed wonder-worm
    * take matters into your own hands
    * take the monster for a one-armed ride
    * take part in population control
    * tease the weenie
    * tenderize the tube steak
    * test the testicles
    * test your batteries
   * the art of Unisex
    * the lonliest date
    * tickly my fancy
    * tickle the pickle
    * toss off
    * toss the turkey
    * twang the wire
   * thump the pump
    * tweak your twinkie
    * varnish the flagpole
    * wack the one-eyed worm
    * wack the weasel
    * wack the willie
    * walk the dog
    * walk the plank
    * wank
   * wax the carrot
    * wax the dolphin
    * wax your surfboard
    * whack off
    * whip off
    * whip the dummy
    * whip the wire
   * whip the willie
   * whip up some sour cream
    * whip your dripper
    * whizzin’ jism
    * wixen
    * wonk your conker
    * work off
    * wrestle the eel
    * wring out your rope
    * wrist aerobics
    * yank off
    * yank the crank
    * yank your plank
    * yank the yoyo

Aah, the satisfaction of being a male is just… priceless.

Source: http://justin.justnet.com.au/rudestuff/

My life is more than I could ever
ask for. Filled with dreams, hope and strong believe of a better tomorrow. But
there are times I’m a prisoner of my own feelings and captivated by one single
moment I cannot escape from. I’m just one man with nothing I never showed you
or the world. A man with all his feelings in his hands, eyes looking for
something much more and love up way above. The storm has hit this man and he’s
going down.

I miss my mom and dad. Never known
them for the whole life I’m living is a torturing mystery to somebody as brittle
as me. Not trying to make it sound dramatic, but I miss the things I even never
felt before. To have a dinner together, somebody to take my school report,
someone to support me from the front row of my tennis competition, putting up Christmas
ornaments even though it looks like a mess or at least having a family picture
together.

I’m not talking about chasing the
past like a mad man or looking back and weep. Sometimes where I came from is
not important for me; I’d rather straighten my vision and focus of what in front
of me. The past giving me nothing but a ground to stand on, so why can’t we
make that ground ourselves now? A good friend of mine, Danny he said “life is
about options and what we choose.” So starts choose what’s right for you NOW,
believe in it and make that life living for you.

I was kept alive among people who
never taught me about life and how should I walk on it. No love education is
given to that young cub long back then. No wise words or advice on how to deal
with emotions as I grew older; just essentially kept alive and develop into a
soulless mind. It’s kinda sad really when I think about it on how unsupportive
this “family” is.

They won’t let me nurture my
talent within, I love art and none of them are on my back when I was entering
art festival or sport championships. She wouldn’t let me having friends and
always kept blocking my social life in an awkward manner with meaningless
excuse. She judges me without knowing who is the person of what she’s accusing with,
an actual example of judging-a-book-by-its-cover-person. She never know which
school I’m entering, who’s my teacher, what major I’m taking in college
especially the problem I’m facing and fighting by myself.

But I never kept any grudge; my
heart cannot take another heart ache. God has given me with such a flexible
heart but for this one, I’m nothing more but an ordinary human being. I’m numb plus
I’m tired, so I choose to erase and rewind. Its hurt so bad and you didn’t even
realize you are the caused all I want is to go to the time where there was no
pain: juste avant toi. I’m much more mature and wise to brave enough to admit
that deep inside I’m just a kid missing his parents love, a family that never
come true on every Christmas wishing. I’m grieving for a very long time.

I guess it’s too late now to grab
what we lost in the past and all I want now is making a new start with me. As God
is my witness, this person in the mirror will become someone in the future with
no regrets of his past. He will walk that road of New York in his flashy suits
and glamorous boots made only by-request-ordering from maestro designers of the
world. What I do know now, I could never forget who I am and the people who keep
completing my puzzle along the way. The sweet, the bitter, the joy and the
pain; it’s a part of me.

Sometimes
people who are closest to you are the ones who hurt you the most.