Archive for January, 2008

13
Jan

Touch Me, oh Dear Me

By bett3r 77 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

I can’t sleep. It’s 4am and my bf
is lying on the bed, I don’t know if he’s able to sleep too or not. I have so
many things on my mind right now. I just got to let it out to keep the peace on
my little very own soul. It’s been almost a year since I got into this
relationship, a promise on the starting of 2007 to myself that I will work this
out because it is the last thing I’d ever do. So many things have changes since
the past couple of years and I mean big changes for me. I’m not very friendly
with changes actually, but I gather my guts to face it and swallow the hard
part of it.

 

Dear_meHe’s nice to me, very sweet
indeed but heavens know why we kept arguing so much. We say bad things to each
other even though we don’t really mean to. It’s like the beast within are just
ready to bite off each of our heart’s and tore it apart. I’ve made so many
changes of myself for the sake of my new connection with this guy. And yet I
never thought that this heart matters would ask so much and never enough for
each other’s. There are times where it feels like heaven and sunny day for the
two of us but sometimes it felt like we never know who we are by way of our ego
leading to the dark path.

 

I was wondering is this how
someone’s in love? Am I breaking or am I loving? Because dear God help me, I’m
feeling numb here. I cannot feel anything, I cannot even listen to myself
talking or remember all the advices they told me before. All I can see is
another white pale ceiling with so many faces passing, so many changes
happening, so many “me” I left behind the counter and walk out the door. I have
been complaining so much I forgot to count the blessing. I miss my life so much
and knowing what is actually that I truly want.

All I want is just some peace for
my dearest soul.

 

11
Jan

Lullabies from The Past

By bett3r 8 Comments
Categories: Uncategorized

I look into the mirror

See myself, I’m over me

I need space for my desire

I have to dive into my fantasies

I know as soon as I arrived, everything
is possible

Coz no one has to hide beyond
the invisible

-Enigma "Beyond Invisible"-

 

Sunshine_1
Here I am rolling my eyes into
this new chapter of 2008, a year where before I couldn’t imagine in my past.
But look at us now, walking steadily among the wreckage last year had left for
us. As I try to build the pieces back, glue bits into another bits and I can
see where my light guide me to. Send me a sign from the sunshine and songs of
the black bird; I can hear my footsteps like marching of an ant on this empty
new hall. People start to make plans, lovers holding even tighter, convicts
start counting their days to freedom. Many more things I can’t describe in the
great year of 2008, but I believe.

Gawd, I couldn’t believe that my
life would become this boring after I’m unemployed. Some things were fun, for
instance I could sleep until noon or just simply watching Dexter season 2 DVD
all day long. While my boyfriend is out to work, I wonder my mind out of our
rental space. Take a glimpse to the world out there nowadays where I could
think a million thoughts and put it in words, just like what I’m doing right
now.

Last weekend was really
from the moving we had. Yea, we moved our rent to a bigger space
just two blocks away. It’s cheap but the facilities just can’t compare to our
last one. We didn’t have our hot water anymore, or cable-TV or cooking
facility. But we trying to manage things up, until we can figure the cost of
those things and sparing our dimes bit by bit for our convenient living. The landlord
was quite nice to us; she’s an old Chinese lady in her 60’s I think. She’s
willing to bare half the cost when we request to renovate the bathroom, thanks
God.


It’s been rough for quite sometimes now, but we manage to pull things through.
Me and my boyfriend are just trying to hold on to each other and figure out how
can we survive at least until we are sure for some things to be settle. Yeah,
when things are out of focus and blur, all we have to do is point our vision to
one spot and believe. Coz when you believe many things you can achieve (hahaha….some
whitney’s crap). Anyway, if you really think about it there’s some truth in it.

Just believe things will get better.

 

Don’t expect anyone else to
support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe
you have a wealthy spouse;

but you never know when either
one might run out.

-Baz Luhrmann "Everybody’s Free"-