Time has passes me by like I’m the nothing.
Again I’m brought into the situation where my mind
is forced to shout painfully against my tortured heart. It’s only the dark
night with company of soft city-light dancing above my black thick hair. Where
the air is cool and transmitting people’s feeling with variants emotions. Just
imagine they’re dancing, tossing, prancing around in form of tiny vibes, trying
to get in every little head on earth. The Sweet Lord has planned it so perfectly
so that we can’t see them vividly, yes, it is so perfect.
Every being I know and called themselves human, are so proud of this
weird intense sizzling stuff inside them. Its like touches but never felt, its
like pain but more harmful, its like love but much more sweeter, its like
universe but much more smaller. I called it: emotions. Since the first day a
baby was born and bought into this world, he knows what emotions are. He just
cannot say it due to unskilled biological form. After intense training in days
under the sun, with people as his lecturer, and life as his classroom, he
learns many things. And that emotions start to become very complicated, he
couldn’t take it alone.
Then came the test: relationship. Sometimes relationship can take you
down under, so deep you cannot go back up to take your short-period breath.
Some may feel its too gigantic for a tiny little heart, it becomes to heavy
that you must rest it down for a while. Others who’s much more lucky, felt it
was the sweetest thing ever happen to them, saying “I’m very, very happy, so
please hurt me”. Funny isn’t? How one single thing that’s supposed to be the
same has different impact for everybody.
If I’m cut into two body and two logos, I would see myself as the
lucky one. Recently I’m listening again to my favorite singer and one of his
favorite tracks: The Cripple and The Starfish. My most memorable words of the
song were: “…I’ll grow back like a starfish.” If you ever see Discovery Channel or Animal Planet, it explains how a starfish (ya know, the sea
creature) if one of the five legs are cut out, it’ll grow back naturally.
Amazing huh? How I’m so like that God’s creation, when my heart are sliced by
pain and hurt, it’ll grow back like there was nothing.
No one can hurt me like he does; even though my heart and love always
grow back it leaves a mark that can’t be erased. Maybe I would forget how it
happens or who did it, but the same feeling always appears naturally. So I
guess, the only thing that growing back is not just my heart, but the pain too.
However, I can’t quit my lesson now, the process hasn’t complete yet. For me to
become a whole being is a long way, I supposed. When I dare to take love into
my life, I must also take the risk with all the guts in me.
Either way,
becoming human is learning to be human after all.
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